Until this past October, in the shadows of Halloween, I had never undergone surgery. I’ve been lucky. But this fall, that changed. I had a fairly straightforward and noninvasive surgery done on my lower back called a microdiscectomy–where the surgeon makes a small incision and then goes in and removes the extruded matter from a herniated disc, freeing up the lumbar nerve root that had been severely compressed by the herniation.
In my case, this disc herniation in the low back resulted not so much in sharp pain, but in a condition known as “drop foot.” Drop foot results in an inability to dorsiflex–or lift your foot up at the ankle, making it very difficult to walk with anything resembling a normal gait. All the research I did (and the fact that my own brother had the same thing in 2018!) made me realize that surgery was needed, and quickly, to minimize the the chance of the nerve damage being permanent. Some of the nerve damage to the L5 lumbar nerve root in my lower back likely *would* be permanent. But a prompt surgery would, with hope, bring back at least some of the functionality of my affected (right) foot.
The surgery went well. I had never been “put out” before, and it was an interesting sensation. There was no sense of time having passed. I closed my eyes, and–it felt like one second later, I opened them. I soon realized I had been out for close to three hours.
The weeks directly after the surgery were challenging. At first, you’re feeling worse, not better. But slowly, as the days bled into weeks, and as I tried acupuncture for the first time in my life, I began to regain a little bit of strength in my right foot. First, the ankle was offering more support, then I was able to raise my toes a bit more, then flex the foot up a bit more. By the time the holiday season was in full swing, I was able to walk without a foot brace, and had regained perhaps two-thirds of my natural gait.
And that’s about where I still am today. I can move around quite normally and don’t feel all that restricted. As the long Vermont winter eventually recedes, I will again take the mile-long round-trip walks to the mailbox every day, and mowing the lawn is actually something I am looking forward to, come May! I look forward to putting the foot to the test.
Throughout this process, it’s been important not to rush things. The damaged lumbar nerve root needs to time to heal. The weakened muscles that raise the foot need time to regenerate and strengthen. It is a process, a step-by-step approach, literally! And it made me realize–recovering from drop foot and writing a novel (or any long creative work) are very similar!
With a novel, you often get an inspiration. An idea flashes. Scenarios merge. Characters form out of the creative ether, ready to come to life and populate the story. But the novel isn’t written in a single day. It takes time, multiple drafts, edits, starts and stops, and to see it through, you must persevere through the doubts that inevitable arise, the nagging insecurities that at times scream like a howling wind racing down the mountain passes.
“Will the story come together?” “Will the characters pop?” “Will readers like it?” “Will anyone even read it?” “Will I even finish it?” Or . . . “Will I be able to walk again?” “Will I be able to mow the lawn, get around without a brace?” “Play sports again?”
The questions nag and persist, trying to trip you up, sometimes seductively subtle, weakening you piece by piece; other times, they are loud and obnoxious, in your face like a schoolyard bully. The only thing that matters is how you respond.
Keep going. Don’t stop. Don’t give in to the doubts. Just keep grinding through.
Step by step.
Thanks so much for reading!
–Mike
Eye-Dancers 