October | 2022 | Eye-Dancers

An Unscary Halloween

I freely admit, over the years, I have often gone with the flow on Halloween, watching scary movies, creepy episodes of The Twilight Zone, reveling in ghost stories and monster yarns. This year, though, I will go against the grain. Maybe it’s the state of the world, the precarious position of our institutions and structures, the downright disturbing events that we’ve all had to deal with on a national and global level. Whatever the reason, I am going to go with lighter fare this All Hallows Eve.

After all, there will be more than enough people watching horror movies. Who needs Michael Myers when you can have Ralph Kramden? Who needs Jason Voorhees when you can tune in to Forrest Gump? And who needs Rick Grimes when you can watch Cary Grant or Johnny Carson?

I remember one Halloween when I was a teenager, I invited some neighborhood friends over (some of whom were inspirations for the protagonists in The Eye-Dancers), and we had a horror marathon, watching Psycho, Halloween. and Dawn of the Dead back-to-back-to-back. It was well past midnight when we were through. No one wanted to leave that night–the wind was blowing, the temperature dropping, and we all knew the ghosts and goblins of the season were lurking out there in the dark. So they stayed and slept over. The next morning, with the clear, crisp light of day bringing in the month of November, we all felt better. The sun was up, you could see up and down the neighborhood streets–the spooky atmosphere of the previous night had passed, evaporating like smoke on the wind.

This year, though, I am vowing not to have to recover from anything. Why scare myself with ghosts or killer dolls or axe murderers? Why not break the ghoulish tradition and play for laughs instead?

I don’t mean to discourage you from filling up on frightful movies this Halloween. If that’s your preference, drink deeply! Enjoy. Tune in to a Vincent Price masterpiece or a Hitchcock thriller, or a classic horror film from yesteryear. Turn off the lights and dare yourself to watch in the dark.

But not me. Not this year. This year, I’ll watch an episode of Cheers, the “old” Cheers with Shelley Long as the costar–when the show was at its best. I’ll watch The Honeymooners–maybe the episode where Ralph is being investigated by the IRS, and employs Norton to help him figure out what he might have done wrong with his income taxes. And then? Maybe an old Happy Days or an Everybody Hates Chris episode. Maybe an old Cary Grant classic where Cary climbs buildings, dodges crop dusters, or saves the world–all without breaking a sweat. In short, I will keep it light, corny, and optimistic.