December | 2016 | Eye-Dancers

Winter in Vermont arrives early, and it hits hard. Already there is a stubborn sheen of ice on my driveway, creating an adventure every time I drive down. The meadow out behind the house, with its rolling hills and undulations, is an unbroken sea of pure white. And the wind chills? Let’s not even talk about the wind chills!

I make no secret that winter is my least-favorite season. People sometimes kid me about that. “You live in Vermont, and you don’t like winter?” they say. I reply that it’s not a big deal. I love the spring, summer, and fall–three out of four seasons isn’t bad. Nevertheless, winter in New England has a way of holding on, reluctant to let go. Even in the brighter, milder months of March and April, winter digs in its heels, delaying the inevitable, resisting the birth of spring with every harsh gust of wind and squall of snow.

So I am under no grand illusions. A long, unbroken string of arctic-like months awaits. Still, I have no desire to huddle beside the portable heater all winter, hot chocolate in hand. (Though surely there will be some of that!) I enjoy the outdoors, and on days not quite so harsh, on days when the sun–too often a stranger in New England–chooses to shine, I will take advantage.

Recently, on one such sunny, crisp afternoon, I took a walk. Navigating the icy slope of the driveway, I walked down to the road. The road in question, as are so many in rural Vermont, is dirt–dry and dusty in summer, muddy and soft in early spring, hard and snow-packed right now. If I turned right, I’d walk toward a paved road a mile away. But if I turned left, within a third of a mile, the road would morph into a narrow trail, not maintained by the town.

I went left.

As I walked, I was struck by the silence. No cars. No people. No sounds. There was a gentle breeze, but no leaves to rustle–only the empty spaces in bare trees and lonely expanse of snow-covered fields and stripped woodland floors. Even the songbirds were silent. Briefly, a sound to my right–a wild turkey, startled by my intrusion, scurried into the woods, disappearing from view. More silence. I inhaled. The air was a winter knife, cold, sharp, as if it might draw blood if I weren’t careful.

I walked on, reaching the trail, where the snow depth swelled, coming up above my ankles. Even back here, though, there were tire tracks, the residue of rugged four-wheel drives and snowmobiles, no doubt. My footfalls crunched the packed snow, punctuating the stillness. My breath hung on the air before dissipating, molecule by molecule.

Then I paused. Stopped. I listened to the silence. It washed over me like a vacuum, snuffing out the sound. I breathed again, in and out, in and out. A gray squirrel chattered from a nearby tree, but then climbed higher.

Everything was so quiet, so white–the world seemed asleep, slumbering beneath the blanket of snow. For a moment, reality itself seemed slippery, as if, perhaps, I had gone down a rabbit hole and was standing there only as an apparition, or maybe some figure within the realm of someone else’s dream.

What is real? I wondered, looking over the frozen pond that lay just meters before me, and, beyond that, the snowcapped mountains that rose in the distance like ancient giants worn and weathered by time.

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In The Eye-Dancers, what we perceive as real is explored, and challenged, over and over again. Indeed, in chapter 2, Joe Marma feels so disoriented that “reality felt too elusive, too fragmentary, as if it were crumbling away into jigsaw pieces that could not be put back together.” Indeed–are his dreams, along with Mitchell Brant’s dreams and Ryan Swinton‘s dreams, real or “just a nightmare,” something to wake up from and escape and put safely and securely in the rearview mirror? Who is this “ghost girl” who continues to haunt them? And when they are transported to a different dimension, an alternate universe, is what they experience “real” or illusory?

When the boys first arrive in the alternate town of Colbyville, Ryan isn’t sure: “The line between dreams and reality had certainly been blurred, if it existed at all.”

Have you ever felt that way?

George Bailey did.

It’s a Wonderful Life is a holiday staple, and one I partake of every year. Many people know the story of Bedford Falls and George and Mary and Old Man Potter. We know George has a string of bad luck and at one point contemplates jumping to his death off a bridge, only to be saved by Clarence the bumbling but lovable angel who is still searching for his wings. And we all know the movie ends with a rousing rendition of “Auld Lang Syne,” along with Zuzu’s memorable line, “Teacher says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.”

And George’s response: “That’s right, that’s right.”

But how does Clarence ultimately convince George to step away from the cliff, or, in this case, the bridge? How does he earn his wings at the end?

By showing George what the world would look like without him. Admittedly, this isn’t Clarence’s idea. It is his response to a despondent George’s muttering that he wishes he’d never been born. Wish granted! You want to be erased, George Bailey? Consider yourself erased.

In other words, Clarence helps George to see his many blessings not by hopping on to his personal soapbox or through any words of wisdom; rather, he rescues George by taking him down the rabbit hole and in to an alternate reality, allowing him to witness the fallout of a world that could have been, might have been, had he never existed to touch the lives of others.

He saves him by changing the very nature and shape of what we deem to be real.

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I stayed there on that path, overlooking the iced-over pond and the far-off majesty of mountains and sky, for several minutes. The wind picked up, and the bite of the cold chomped down, stinging my face and eyes. But I just wanted to take it all in. What is real?

In an age where unfiltered bias is immediately disseminated to millions upon millions of people, when individuals can and do attempt to delegitimize the press, when various forms of social media can be used to spread truth or lies with equal fervor, what is real? If someone tweets out a lie, and sixty million people read it and believe it, is it now true?

The shifting, changing, amorphous lens through which the world views itself, and through which we view the world, is in a state of disarray. Reality for many has become as confusing and inexplicable as George Bailey’s journey through his own personal rabbit hole.

But as I turned to leave the path, to retrace my steps in the snow and head back home, I attempted to answer the question that lingered on the air like wood smoke. What is real?

George Bailey found the answers at the end of the movie. Clarence the angel penned a personal note to George: “No [one] is a failure who has friends.” And with George surrounded by friends and family, singing off-key in a cinematic moment for the ages, he understands the truth, the essence, and so do we.

So, as 2016 nears its end, as we forge bravely ahead into the uncertain climes of 2017 and beyond, maybe, just maybe, we can all pause for a moment and tune in to a corny old holiday classic, walking the avenues and sidewalks of Bedford Falls, reliving the miracle on 34th Street, soaring with a red-nosed reindeer as he leads the way, or witnessing a walking, talking snowman.